Emo or Short Temper????
Thursday, 23 July 2009,1:47 pm
To almost everyone I am a short temper person but EMO???
The word cant seem to link to me…
But in truth fact
My emo-ness stats to occur frequently aft the big impact
Which happened in my life…
I rarely tok to ppl abt tat incident
Nor will dey ask
Juz in case dey touch any sensitive spot….
Tis is also the 1st time toking abt the matter here …..
But I juz cant stop myself from emo-ing over tat matter
Especially when I am alone either on the bus, MRT or any else where…
I would juz start to think and ponder on the stuff which I could do
To prevent tat thing from happening
And even asking myself if it is real when in fact it is….
Last week was the worst…
The emo-ness struck me for the whole of last week
I simply cant pull myself out of it
Even when I went to K-box
I juz cant let it out
Its like a thing tat is trap inside my head forever….
Come sat our ‘Family’ gathering was even worse…
Tat morning gotta make cards for 2 of the bdae babies
Made 2 cards which contain the WHOLE FAMILY’s
Bdae wishes…
When I sae WHOLE FAMILY
It really is WHOLE FAMILY…
When I make the card
I was thinking shld I include him…
Tis tot made me hate myself so much….
How can I not include him juz because he is not arnd anymore
I hate myself for pondering over tat matter
I shld not hab ponder over it
But juz include him like how I include the others…
WHY!
Why do I hab such tots!
I hate myself for tat…
Come the meeting was even worse…Tat morning I did the card while reproaching myself
For being so heartless…
So was totally not in the mood
To continue to hab fun wif dem…
When I saw dem
Dey reminded me of him…
Is not their fault but my own mental prob…
Cant bring myself to enjoy their company like any other time…
I think dey notice too
Keep asking wad I am thinking
But I noe it is not gd to tok abt such matter
When everyone is in a happy mood
So I found another reason to take cover….
WHY!
I seriously feel like shouting out my tots
But I noe I cant…
I cant be tat selfish coz everyone is suffering in their own way
I cant let my emotions gib dem any more suffering already…
I duno whether is it superstitious or wad
But aft wad HuiHui told me abt something
I felt I am to blame for such a horrible thing from happening
I duno if u noe tat giving shoes is a symbol to send some one away
AND ME THE IDIOT ONE gave him a pair of sandals for his bdae present last yr
AM I STUPID OR WAD?
Why muz I gib him tat
If I never will he be in front of me now
Still well and ok
Joking as he used to????
I really duno….
PeiYi and Cheryl once told me to let go
But in my mind
I cant and really cant
Coz I am afraid I would forget abt him
If I let the matter go
It will make me become a even more heartless person by forgetting abt him…
I really duno wad I am thinking now…Stress had also caused me to be like a see saw again
Project due soon
Giving me loads of stress
Started my temper again
Lose it out to the ppl arnd me
And only dem are the ones who can tolerate such temper
Duno how to stop all these things from getting into me
I juz hope tat time will stop and bring me back to the time
Where nothing has happened and we are still the innocent teens
Who are always having fun and fooling arnd…
I noe it is not possible but
I really hope I could….
