Lost~
Saturday, 10 October 2009,4:16 pm
REWRITE
Gonna use proper
Ang Mo this time round....
Have been working since the holiday starts...
Meaning no time for play and meeting up with friends and spending time to coach Mina
But all these seem worth it to me
Since in exchange with all these is money....
At this point make me feel whether I am one person who treasure friendship...
I feel that when I make friends,
Its all due to a motive and not just because I like that person
Even worse I would also feel that I make friends with people I hate
And pretend to be friendly with them.....
I am lost with the reason of why I make friends with each of them
Whether is it motive or whether I really like the person
I don't really know.....
I am also lost with the
definition of real friends....
What are real friends???
I wonder is it I don't have real friends
Thats why I have no idea what real friends are....
I know this may hurt
But thats what I really feel.....
Some times I would feel that it is a bother
I was once told by a person that
I am old enough to differentiate who my true friends are
And are juz friends during this period
And gone after we go our separate ways...
At that point I was still a little confuse
But now I have a rough idea
Which friends whom I am going to lose
When I go my separate ways with them
And its getting clearer...
While working
I learnt alot of things from my friends
Things that I do not see exist when I am in school
It teaches me to be dependant on me
Rather than on others
As you do not know when they are going to stab you
And the one stabbing you
Will be some one close, some one you will not expect...
I learnt to be on my guard always...
Telling lies here and there to protect myself from harm...
I find myself becoming more and more fake each day,
Protraying a different me every now and than
To prevent my true self to be seen
To protect people from using my weakness to hurt me
I hope all this gets me prepared for the real world
The world which I am seeing everyday
I realise how innocent we were in school...
Thinking a little backstabbing is cruel
When the real world is 1000 times worst
It makes me wonder why I am so stupid and immature
I should grow up and prepare myself for the worst
Graduating soon
Real world coming
Goodbye innocent and immature me
Hello the new me!
In this world
No one will know the true me
Either they do not want to know
Or they cannot know...
Up till now
NO ONE knows what I really feels at different situations
Including those who have such confidence to proclaim they knows me
Really well
Have not a single who is the real me....
Drawing a conclusion
Have I change or am I just tired with the people around me???
Note: I know I may hurt people who read this post but since you are the one reading it
I did not put a gurantee on top that you will not get hurt!
